Words are hard.
have you ever felt so alone in the world that nothing else matters not eating sleeping friends family or even punctuation and grammar
Well, I’m feeling like that right now. The girl I love have been taken from me, driven away by my subconscious anger towards the world. It all started with what I hoped would be a break (they never work apparently) I needed time to figure out why I was so mad all of the time. Ever since then we got back together, broke up, got back together, broke up (etc.). I wronged her first I got back together with her and broke up, yes it was crewel and I hate myself for it, it’s a long story. The last time we were together, she left me, telling me she needed more time. Ok. Three days later I find out she’s with someone else. My world was crushed. Over the three days before my own internal Armageddon, I begged her to take me back, I admitted, I MADE MISTAKES, I was wrong. I couldn’t see that I was digging an even deeper hole for myself (hind sight is 20/20, no?) Soon after I found out about her new relationship, I tried to give her back some things (I couldn’t handle having all of the love notes she’s ever given me) she didn’t want them but I couldn’t keep them. I guess I wanted her to see the notes, remember how we were and take me back, or at least in some sick evil way make her feel bad. I dunno, something was in me that day, that well, wasn’t me. Anyway, so when I tried to give her the notes and stuff back, she wasn’t answering the phone. So, I threw a rock at her window, something we would do often when we were dating. after a while, her mother comes down, with her in tow. Now, I give her her stuff and we talk, I try to ask for her back without direct words, I fail. She goes inside and all I can hear is her sobs, which begins to eat away at me. I holler up to her, “Stop crying, I love you you much to hear you like this” and other comforting words, trying to get her to come back down and talk some more. So , I wait, and a couple minutes later, I SHIT YOU NOT, and the officer asks me if I’m harassing them. Then, he puts me in the back of a squad car (I wasn’t under arrest, and YES I know my rights just didn’t wanna argue) Now, The cop goes and listens to what I can only assume is some bullshit story that her mother made up, painting me like a psycho. Two more squad cars have arrived at this point. I look up and I see my ex (it kills me to call her that) in the window, crying. She comes running down, crying and begging (I can only assume, as I couldn’t hear a word that was being said.) Her mother sends her inside, finishes talking to the officers and goes inside. Then they let me out of the back of the squad car. Then, the THREE OFFICERS (because I’m apparently that dangerous) explain that I can never talk to her again, communicate with her via the internet, or call or text her. Also, that I cannot go near the house, and she lives across the street from me. Ever since then I’ve been crying and playing video games… and crying, and screaming, and breaking things. (of course being me, I took the time to set out specific breakables). Oh, and btw I’ve been crying Now, I hear that she’s still crying over me, I just want her to know that not only do I still love her but that I want her back, need her back, I’m empty and cold without her. I’m willing to Walk Through Hell for her. From my cracked fingers to your eyes, if anyone is reading this thanks. and sorry for any spelling errors…
